Welcome, dear reader, on a journey of discovery to the core of who you truly are. Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do, why certain patterns seem to repeat in your life? The answer lies deeply rooted in the conditionings we impose on ourselves and each other. Today, I share my personal path to inspire you to look beyond these conditionings and embrace your own unique light.
The Formative Power of Conditionings: Your Unique Path to Self-Discovery
From the moment we land on this earth, we are like a blank slate. Every experience, every interaction, every lesson we learn, contributes to the formation of who we think we are. But are these formative influences truly who we are, or are they merely conditionings that distract us from our authentic selves? I myself believed for a long time that my experiences defined me, but I discovered that they actually led me to my true light.
Take, for example, my five-year relationship with a narcissistic and alcohol-addicted partner. It was a period full of heaviness, abuse, and the feeling of being completely lived by another. I remember the nights I had to get drinks in the middle of the night, the threats with my car if I refused, the obligation to buy specific food because I was supposedly being supported. After those five years, I broke free, but I continued to see myself as “pitiful,” as the “abused, mistreated woman.” I had adopted a conditioning, a label that my experiences seemed to impose on me.
But is that the truth? Was I only that “pitiful woman“? Slowly, I began to realize that that difficult period had also taught me essential lessons: setting boundaries, rediscovering my self-confidence, being completely autonomous. Instead of getting stuck in the conditioning of victimhood, I began to see the teachings, the pieces of myself that had been forged through those experiences.
What you experience in life is valuable, whether it is joyful or painful. It’s about how you look at it and how you deal with it. You can get caught up in the conditioning of the experience, or you can distill the lessons from it and discover who you truly are. For me, that time meant that I learned my own values and norms more sharply, and discovered my need for freedom.
Discovering Freedom and Love for Everything: Beyond the Norm of Monogamy
During that period of self-discovery, I also began to experiment with polyamory. In 2014, I divorced my then-partner because I felt that my love was not limited to one person. I embraced this feeling and embarked on the polyamorous path. It was a beautiful journey of letting go of conditionings surrounding love and relationships.
Primary/Secondary Relationships: A Layered Approach to Love
First, I explored primary/secondary relationships. This means that there is a main relationship (primary) with a certain degree of priority and commitment, while there are also other, less prioritized relationships (secondary). An example of this could be a cohabiting couple (primary) where both partners also separately maintain intimate relationships with others (secondary), with agreements about the degree of involvement and priority. This was a first step in letting go of the conditioning of exclusivity in love relationships.
Egalitarian Relationships: Equality in All Connections
After that, my understanding evolved to egalitarian relationships. This strives for equality between all involved partners, without a hierarchy of primary and secondary. All relationships are considered equally important, although the nature and intensity of each relationship can naturally differ. An example is a group of three people who all three have intimate and emotional bonds with each other, where no relationship is seen as more important than the other. This further challenged the conditioning of hierarchy in love relationships.
Polyamory: More Than One Love at the Same Time
Polyamory itself is the practice or desire of having more than one open, honest, and consensual romantic relationship at the same time. It is based on honesty, respect, and communication between all those involved. It is a conscious choice to transcend the conditioning of monogamy.
Relationship Anarchy: Freedom Beyond Rules and Labels
Subsequently, I embarked on the path of relationship anarchy. This is a philosophy that opposes the imposition of hierarchical structures and rules on relationships, whether they are romantic, sexual, or platonic. It emphasizes individual agreements and negotiations between the people involved, based on autonomy and trust. An example of this is entering into deep, loving connections with different people, without predetermining what form these relationships should take or what priority they should have. Each relationship is seen as unique and is shaped by the individuals participating in it. This was the ultimate step in letting go of conditionings around relationships.
Each step on this path brought me closer to my true self, to embodying how I truly experienced love. Eventually, I met my current partner, who shares a similar vision of love and connection. We no longer use labels or conditionings. What works for you is, of course, your own discovery, this is just my example. I embraced the realization that I experience love in every form and in every way and that I want to be free in it. I do not live strictly monogamously, nor do I define myself as polyamorous; I simply experience love with the people with whom I feel a connection, and see how that connection unfolds. This felt like coming home, like the recognition of my own light, my true being, and what is fundamentally important to me.
Energy, Souls, and Quantum Physics: The Interconnectedness of Our Light
This realization of love as an unlimited concept is deeply connected for me to understanding energy, souls, and the light that we all radiate. From a quantum physical perspective, everything is energy, vibrating at different frequencies. Our souls, our essence, are also forms of energy, inherently connected to a universal source of light. This light is not static; it is dynamic, infinite, and manifests in countless forms. By letting go of conditionings, we can experience this interconnectedness more clearly.
My experience is that I have perceived this light, this source, in all colors and infinity since birth. It was overwhelming and sometimes difficult to understand, which is why I didn’t talk about it openly for a long time, only with others who had a similar perception. Now I feel the freedom to be open about this, to inspire you. I see an infinite field of light, a constant source with which we are all connected. I even experience it as if I can communicate directly with this energy. I no longer use specific labels such as angels or beings, because those are also conditionings. I leave it free in how it feels and how I see it. You may, of course, give your own interpretation to that; sometimes labels can be useful to give yourself an easy place in your brain to understand something. But truly understanding may not be necessary; we are born with a beautiful heart that is in direct connection with this source. We may feel and experience, without putting a label on it.
Reincarnation and Karma: The Lessons of the Soul
The concept of reincarnation, the belief that the soul is reborn in a new body after death, resonates with my experience. I experience it as if we come here and consciously or unconsciously choose our lessons. And the idea of karma, the law of cause and effect, where actions in this or previous lives have consequences that we experience, also plays a role in this. There are different kinds of karma, such as individual karma (the consequences of our personal actions), relational karma (the dynamics and lessons within our relationships), and collective karma (the consequences of the actions of groups or humanity as a whole). It is something we may let be and experience, without getting too caught up in it, because then you condition it again. By recognizing conditionings, we can better understand and break through the patterns of karma.
“Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.”
Edwin Hubbel Chapin
The Art of Not Giving a Fuck: Freedom from Judgment and Expectations
This is where ‘The Art of Not Giving a Fuck’ comes in. It’s not about being indifferent, but about not letting yourself be guided by the judgments of others or rigid beliefs about how things ‘should’ be. It’s letting go of the need to control and understand everything, and trusting the flow of life and your own inner compass. This helps you to break free from conditionings that no longer serve you.
The Search for Enlightenment: Beyond Assumptions and Ego to Inner Light
In the difficult period with my ex, I intensely longed for peace. I came into contact with a meditation movement that taught me to meditate on light. It felt beautiful, but eventually I decided to seek my own path, without the assumptions and beliefs of a particular movement. Meditation brought me a lot and showed me the light, but I noticed that I then saw it as the solution, my salvation. I would become ‘enlightened‘ and have no more problems – again, an assumption, a conditioning. I started reading about enlightenment and wanted that too, because then you would have no more worries. Again, my ego created an ideal image.
“Let your light shine so brightly that others can see their way out of the dark.”
Katrina Mayer
The Ego: The Illusionary Dividing Line
The ego is the part of our psyche that identifies with our thoughts, beliefs, and the feeling of a separate ‘I’. It is often focused on survival, control, and maintaining a certain self-image. Working with your ego does not mean destroying the ego, but learning to understand and guide it so that it no longer calls the shots. The ego can be useful for structure and planning, but it can also hold us in limiting conditionings. By becoming aware of the conditionings of the ego, we can open ourselves more to our true light.
Enlightenment: The Shining of Your Authentic Light
Now I see ‘enlightened being’ literally as finding your own light. The word ‘enlightened‘ literally means ‘more light‘. It is about recognizing and embracing the clarity of your own essence. It is not a state of perfection without problems, but a deep realization of who you truly are, beyond the conditionings of the ego. It is about letting your authentic light shine.
The Essence: Beyond Conditionings to Your True Light
Conditionings are not good or bad in themselves; it’s about how you deal with them. If you get caught up in them, you only see the conditioning and not your own actual light. I could, of course, mention hundreds of other examples, but the essence is this: are you bothered by certain things? Are you running into walls? Can’t you really figure out what you want or who you are? Do you long for a deep feeling of well-being and happiness? Then I invite you to look at things differently and to investigate whether you can benefit from my experiences and advice. Take it to heart, apply it in your own way, and actively work with it.
I myself noticed that I was always desperately trying to escape my difficult situation with my ex and my financial problems. I became frustrated when it didn’t happen fast enough. I tried to work with the law of Neville Goddard (the law of assumption) and the law of attraction. There is certainly a core of truth in these principles, but I often accepted them intellectually without fully embodying them. For example, I fervently wished for many people around me and a large house to live in together. I tried to be in that energy, met people and came across large houses, but everything fell through. It didn’t seem to be meant to be. In hindsight, I realize that my desire stemmed from an ego need, not from a deep, authentic desire of my true self. I hadn’t truly embraced it; it wasn’t in my own light.
The thing is, your light is already there; you just have to step into it. Many say this, but if you are strongly conditioned and your ego has a strong influence, it is not that simple. When I fully stood in my own light regarding love, I also met my current partner, with whom everything is really good and fine and for whom I am very grateful. I wished for it and was in that manifestation, but it only came my way when I was truly ready for it, when I was whole in that part of myself and saw the light in that aspect of myself.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
Marianne Williamson
Being Holistic: The Interconnectedness of Everything
I began to realize that everything is a whole, that everything is holistic. This means that everything is interconnected and influences each other. A small example: your mental state influences your physical health, and vice versa. The law of assumption and quantum physics align with this: our thoughts and beliefs (assumptions) create our reality at a fundamental energetic level. Conditionings, however, can hold us in a limited reality, preventing us from seeing our true potential and the interconnectedness with the whole.
Back to Our Nature: The Five Elements and Our Light
I noticed that healthy eating, exercise, good grounding, and being connected to the whole are essential to embrace this and to see your light in things. The Five Elements from Traditional Chinese Medicine (Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, and Water) offer a valuable framework for understanding the balance within ourselves and our relationship with nature. As humans, we are naturally connected to the earth and nature, but modern society has often caused us to lose this connection. This affects our light and our well-being. It is important to rediscover our own nature. The fifth dimension (5D) is often described as a state of higher consciousness, characterized by love, unity, and harmony. To stand in 5D, it is essential to let go of conditionings and connect with your heart.
The Five Elements in Balance: A Path to Inner Light
- Wood: Represents growth, flexibility, decisiveness, and creativity. An imbalance can lead to frustration, rigidity, anger, or difficulty making choices. To see your light by balancing the Wood element, it is important to allow space for growth and change, such as starting new projects, cultivating flexibility in your thinking and actions, and letting go of old patterns that no longer serve you. Examples of nourishing the Wood element include spending time in nature (especially among trees), practicing stretching exercises like yoga or Tai Chi, and expressing your creativity through art, music, or writing. When the Wood element is in balance, you feel more inspired and able to follow your life path with confidence, allowing your light to shine brighter. For instance, someone struggling with indecisiveness (Wood imbalance) might find clarity and inner light by engaging in activities that promote flow and decision-making, like learning a new skill that requires quick responses or decluttering their physical space to create room for new energy. They might start to “see the light” when they realize their hesitation stems from fear of judgment (a conditioning) and begin to trust their intuition (Wood’s connection to vision and planning).
- Fire: Represents passion, joy, love, enthusiasm, and connection. An imbalance can lead to listlessness, depression, anxiety, or difficulty forming genuine connections. To ignite your inner light through the Fire element, it is vital to follow your passions and cultivate joy in your daily life, for example, through creative activities, spending time with loved ones, or engaging in activities that bring you excitement and warmth. Someone feeling isolated (Fire imbalance) might rekindle their light by volunteering, joining a social group, or simply making a conscious effort to connect with others authentically. The light of the Fire element shines through genuine connection and heartfelt expression. They might “see the light” when they realize their isolation is a self-imposed conditioning based on past rejections and begin to open their heart to new connections, feeling the warmth and light of shared experiences.
- Earth: Symbolizes stability, nourishment, grounding, and care. An imbalance can lead to insecurity, worry, overthinking, or difficulty feeling present. Grounding in your light through the Earth element means creating a solid foundation in your life through healthy routines, nourishing food, and a strong connection with the earth. Examples include gardening, walking barefoot on the grass, mindful eating, and creating a comfortable and safe home environment. Someone feeling scattered and ungrounded (Earth imbalance) might find their light by establishing a consistent daily routine or spending time in nature to feel more centered and secure. This stability allows their inner light to radiate more steadily. They might “see the light” when they recognize their constant worrying is a conditioning of fear and begin to trust in the present moment, feeling the solid, stable light of being grounded.
- Metal: Stands for structure, letting go, clarity, and setting boundaries. An imbalance can lead to sadness, grief, difficulty letting go of the past, or a lack of clear boundaries. To allow your light to shine through the Metal element, it is important to practice detachment from what no longer serves you, to create structure in your life that supports your well-being, and to communicate your needs and boundaries clearly. Examples include decluttering your physical and emotional space, practicing mindfulness to gain mental clarity, and engaging in activities that promote self-respect and assertiveness. Someone struggling to let go of a past relationship (Metal imbalance) might find their light by engaging in journaling to process their emotions or creating new routines that focus on self-care and future goals. This clarity and strength in boundaries allow their inner light to emerge. They might “see the light” when they realize their inability to let go is a conditioning of attachment and begin to embrace change, feeling the clear, sharp light of a new beginning.
- Water: Represents flow, intuition, wisdom, and adaptability. An imbalance can lead to fear, anxiety, isolation, or a lack of trust in your intuition. To connect with your light through the Water element, it is crucial to embrace your emotions, trust your intuition, and allow yourself to flow with life’s changes. Examples include spending time near water bodies, practicing meditation to connect with your inner wisdom, engaging in activities that nurture your creativity and imagination, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic in your emotions. Someone feeling fearful or disconnected from their intuition (Water imbalance) might find their light by spending time by the ocean or a lake, practicing intuitive writing, or engaging in activities that foster self-reflection and emotional release. This fluidity and trust in your inner guidance allow your light to flow freely. They might “see the light” when they recognize their fear is a conditioning from past negative experiences and begin to trust their inner voice, feeling the deep, wise light of their intuition.
The five Ds often refer to Desire, Decision, Dedication, Discipline, and Divine Timing. These principles work in harmony with the Five Elements to help you step into your light. Desire fuels your intentions (Fire), Decision provides the Wood-like action, Dedication and Discipline offer the grounding of Earth and the structure of Metal, while trusting Divine Timing allows the Water-like flow of life.
A beautiful quote from Rumi resonates with this:
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” It reminds us that even our challenges and imbalances can be pathways to our inner light.
I noticed that when I truly started grounding and literally worked in the garden every day, engaging in earthy activities, I came more into my body and consequently started seeing my light more because I was more connected. Grounding means energetically connecting yourself to the earth, for example, by walking barefoot on the ground. It helps to release excess energy and center yourself. Forest bathing (Shinrin-Yoku) is a Japanese practice where you consciously spend time in the forest, opening your senses to the natural environment. It has been scientifically proven that forest bathing reduces stress, strengthens the immune system, and promotes a sense of well-being, all of which contribute to seeing your own light more clearly. Two other examples include swimming in natural bodies of water, which connects you to the Water element and promotes emotional flow, and simply sitting or lying down on the earth, consciously feeling its support, which strengthens your connection to the Earth element and fosters a sense of security.
Of course, it may be that you already ground well, and that another element from TCM is out of balance, preventing you from fully seeing your light. Perhaps there is an imbalance in the Fire element (heart, passion), the Water element (emotions, intuition), the Wood element (growth, decisiveness), or the Metal element (letting go, structure). It is valuable to investigate where your imbalance lies. Food, herbs, and plants can also play a supportive role here, as they are energetically connected to the elements and influence our well-being. For example, bitter greens can support the Wood element and liver function, while warming spices can nourish the Fire element and circulation. Connecting with the specific energetic properties of different plants and herbs can be a powerful way to bring your system back into balance and allow your light to shine.
I hope that with this insight, you can move a step further. Once you realize what influence conditionings have and how the ego pulls things out of proportion (the ego can become excessive in fear, control, and separation), and you start working together with your heart (intuition, love), ego (structure, planning), and light (your true essence) – explaining all of this – you will progress and truly start to feel and see yourself. Truly seeing yourself means recognizing who you really are beyond all learned beliefs and labels, how powerful we are. From this basis, you can apply Neville Goddard’s law of assumption and truly step into that desired reality, as specifically explained by the lottery winner who embodied her win before it materialized.May you beautifully conclude your journey by embracing the entirety of your being, where conditionings no longer dim your light, and you live in the radiant truth of who you are.